last sept 25, a tuesday..i already arrived here in cebu with my mind full of illumination and brightness..so clean and pure..and then i said to myself..welcome home sensation...but then..at one point..i stopped and thought of something..or is it someone?!i took in and let out a deep audible breath in relief or weariness ..i guess li have been missing someone right now..if he just didnt text me the night i was still sailing for cebu..he said he wanted to see me as soon as i get my ass back in cebu,,he begged but i never stood any chance..never answered him back..i was reluctant of seeing him..whats the point of going to lanao then huh?its because of him stupid!and then im already emotionally recovered and then now u think id still wanna see him after all those traumatic warth of love..thats prolly silly of me..to continue..so my dad's best bud fetched us at the port and took us home..i went directly to my room,unpack my things,charged my phone(i rily wanted to get rid of this phone badly.......of some fucking defects!just like me..!),took a shower.i look so gross and eeww...way greasy..laid myself to bed and slowly my engines wer going down..i slept..i was very tired..it was around 8am when suddenly my phone rang.it was only a miscall..but i still i got up and checked who just buzzed me out from my sleep..i felt a sudden wonder..it was ching again..its the second time he has done that in waking me up so early..he had two unread messages in my inbox..asking how my trip was and the other if im already home..i know ching..his too lazy to get up early in the morning..hedprolly be awake in the afternoon..so it was an amazement to me thinking how nice of him to text me so early in the morning which he unsually does..but i was costive to reply..i dont want to start havng conversations with him again...id rather continue being blind of the possiblities than settle things again with him..but there is somethin inside me thats telling me to do something about it..about what....about the both of you..i wanted to cry...my emotions andd thoughts were fighting..its all in the mind franz..pls dont get easily carried away..but ok3x...to shorten up the story..yeah right...i replied....eeeeeee.........i dunno..i guess im just missing him a lot...tho it was so mean of him hurting me so much..ok call me a mealy-mouthed or way pathetic,weak,weirdie,unwary,unweildy, unwordly,not worthy,having or displaying little intellectual or emotional complexity or value....call me those...but i admit...im weak..im not strong enough to conquer my weaknesses..yeah im dumb...just acting that im not one..i wept for days..call me a cry baby..i have a soft heart..and its him..that makes all my hardships dig in to my soft spot...im not obssess ok?or am i?life until now is too selfish that it wont give me reasons why im so into him..so crazy over him..im bnot like this b4?i was strong,high-spirited,optimistic,full of postive vibrations,confident,determined..i was the bomb..but now....shit..love has turned me into a monster..a slave..a dictator,conceited...totally a bummer...
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