life must go on...

I would like to say "thank you" to all my friends who have been there for me. You really have no idea what it means to me. I wish I could say that I have always received kindness in my life but that would just be a lie. Unfortunately, most of my life was filled with negativity.

i was a laughing stock..I was an insecure unhappy child who was weak and you know the strong prey on the weak. I understand that their life could have caused them to be cruel to me but when you are a kid, you are not thinking about such things.

think I spent most of my adolescence in tears or with a pit in my stomach. As an adult, I was angry and did not handle things well. Most of the friends I had were good at taken but not giving. I would bend over backwards for them but when I needed something, they were nowhere to be found.

I know that this was because of me, because of the way I looked at myself. I was gluten for punishment. At one point, I even thought it was my job in life to suffer. I did not realize it was my own feelings about myself that caused others to prey on me.

Therefore, I started looking at me, which was the most difficult thing I had ever done. It was painful to admit all the bad things that had happened to me and that it wasn't ok to allow them to destroy me. It was painful to do that and I did not want to let go of the pain. It was what I was use to.

Finally, I was ready to let go, I never felt such emotional pain of feeling all that I had buried so deep. I was afraid but I knew it was for the best. I went thru a couple of years of healing and letting go. Remember things I forgot and admitting things about my past that I did not want to deal with.

I no longer endure life. I live life. I am happy and finally free. It is the most amazing feeling I have ever had. I wake each day happy to be here and free and I see the beauty in so many things. Now I know that I am not done with the growing process, because I will keep growing but the past no longer haunts me.

Therefore, I have to admit your words mean so much. They are the most positive words I have ever had. So yes, I adore them but I also realize that they are just words and what really matters is how I feel about myself on the inside not how you make me feel, although I do love it.