he's all i want

We've long said our goodbyes, him and me.
It was painful to let him go, but to keep going with him was stupid still.
I've long buried the memories of nights that we spent together
Long forgotten the kisses, or the hugs
Long buried the passion that has engulfed me so much.
We went on and proceeded with our individual lives
Like as if he never stepped foot, as if i've never even met him.
Men have come and go after him
All of them with something to give, but i sadly i figured--
Not quite the lovely things I've liked about him.
But so we agreed to move on, we have closed the doors
And to forget him is something i promised to do.
But then on this one fine night, our paths crossed again
And we just can't seem to avoid giving that fleeting glance
Amongst the throng of the crowd he gave me that one look
And then i remembered all I had with him, that was all it took.
In that moment of delirium i totally caved in
To memories I thought to have died deep, deep within.
I remember the nights i spent with him then.
Remember the childish laughs and asinine remarks
Remember the brainy arguments that would seemingly make him tick.
Remember his passionate love for the beauty he found behind the lens
Remember that i too, share the same love for that beauty
Probably not as much as i share that love with anyone else.
And then at that moment, i just can't forget.
Can't forget the unorthodox beauty of his thin physique
How i normally don't go for that, but with him, i once did.
Can't forget about that strange, stringy laughter
Which always seemed like music to my weary ears.
Can't forget that one long stroll at that abandoned park
How he held my hand as we traipsed around in the dark.
And I've come to realize that i can't let go of memories..
Can't let go of the way that he kissed
And how he would react the moment i returned it....
Can't let go of the memory of the stares he loved to give
And how it always made me smile when he did this....
And lastly--
Can't let go of the lovely words he once whispered to my ears
And of how he would make everything seem so real
That we would be each other's own, that I could eventually be everything he would come to feel.
And then my thoughts snapped back into that one fine night
I shook my head, and said a silent prayer of thanks
To the Lord up above who has helped me deal with the hurt
And made me realize what really matters the most.
But in my heart of hearts, I looked at the boy and then knew
That despite the imperfections and the hurt, despite the past...
He was, and still is, everything that I want.
I'd let go of everything in the world should he want me to
I'd give it all if it meant having him perfectly whole.
But I snapped out, bowed my head to that final resolution
That I promised, and I will do so, let the boy go.
Yes, he is everything that I want.
But he is nothing at all that I need.